It’s been about 10 years since my divorce.

In that time, I’ve seen my daughter only a handful of times.

It’s not been through lack of effort. In fact, in that time I think I’ve been the only one making effort to keep that relationship going. Not her … not her mother … only me.

And this after a divorce settlement that saw me left with a paltry 14% of accumulated wealth after an almost 20 year marriage. 😠

So how does that make me feel?

Well, lets just say I’m better at handling it today than when my divorce was first finalised!

But it still frustrates me. 😩

No matter what happens in future, I’ve missed years of being a father to my child.

I used to send text messages … until she blocked me.

I sent letters … which have always gone unacknowledged.

And now I’ve come to the conclusion that the only thing I can now focus on … is putting me first!

The ball is no longer in my court in making this relationship work. It takes two to tango.

But there are times when I come across some old photos I managed to save from the divorce, where she and I are playing. The smiles on our faces are huge.

And memories of our closest times still stay with me.

🔑 Reading her bed-time stories in her bed until she fell asleep and draped her arm around me like a security blanket

🔑 Watching her on rainy days as she’d dress in her “My Little Pony” raincoat and race outside and splash around in the puddles

🔑 Remembering her first day at school and how her school uniform engulfed her

🔑 Feeling pride when overhearing her friends say “Wow! I didn’t know she could sing that well”

No matter what may be said to the contrary, a father’s bond with his child is just as important as a mother’s bond with her child.

It’s something you feel everyday … like a gaping wound that hasn’t been able to heal. You don’t necessarily focus on it … but you know it’s there.

So I’ll leave the door open and hope one day my child walks through it.

But for now, I have enough on my plate in the near future!